


Harry's Angel

by EvilDime



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Child Neglect, Christmas, Drama, Gen, Past Child Abuse, Potions Accident, Suicidal Thoughts, and acts, apparent character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 18:40:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5466989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EvilDime/pseuds/EvilDime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Little Harry just wants to celebrate Christmas with his parents like any other child.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The world, characters and story of Harry Potter do not belong to me. I make no money with my writing of fanfiction, nor do I intend harm to anyone. 
> 
> I first wrote this in German, that version can be found here: [Geflügelter Bote](https://www.fanfiction.net/s/4733233/1/Gefl%C3%BCgelter-Bote)

"Come on, Draco. Finish your hot chocolate and then we'll get you settled in your bed. Tomorrow, it's time for presents. I am sure you want to be wide awake for that."

Severus lovingly petted the five-year-old's hair. He had loved his godson from the first moment, and though many years had gone by in the interim, that love had not diminished. Severus pressed a kiss to the white blonde boy's forehead and gently lifted the sleepy child from the rug in front of the fireplace.

"Uncle Sev?" the child softly questioned.

"Yes, Draco?"

"Why are mother and father not here?"

Severus clenched his teeth. "Your parents love you, Draco, and would enjoy nothing more than to celebrate Christmas together with you. But sometimes, life has other plans and we cannot do what we want most. Right at this moment, your parents cannot come to Hogwarts, and neither can you and I go where they are."

Severus felt absolutely no desire to explain to the five-year-old all about Azkaban and was happy when Draco did not inquire further into the Whys and Hows of his parents' absence. Probably he was simply too tired to care just now. Instead, he sleepily queried: "Do you love me too, Uncle Sev?"

"Of course I love you," Severus reassured Draco and gently put him down on his bed.

Draco smiled at Severus out of half-lidded eyes. "I love you too, Sev. Christmas will be so much fun!"

Severus smiled back at the boy. "Sleep tight, Draco."

Neither of the two took note of the armchair stood in one corner of the room. Out of its depths, two sad green eyes watched the harmonic scene with desperate longing.

* * *

The morning of the 25th of December, Severus had trouble getting out of bed. He had been up all night working on a potion to return Draco and Potter to their true ages. Merlin only knew why the two boys had to start a fight in the last class before Christmas break that would have such devastating consequences! Severus had not been aware of the possibility of turning a simple silver-cleaning solution into a Youth Draught by adding just a single ingredient at the wrong time.

But he could always rely on Potter to do the impossible. That boy managed time after time to turn completely harmless situations into disasters of the proportions of a nuclear war.

Potter.

For once, Severus had the chance to experience again the totally innocent boy Draco had been before Lucius began twisting him into something else, something darker; a Draco who didn't yet strut about like a peacock and probably had not a single thought in his head involving Voldemort, much less parroting Death Eater propaganda even long after the monster's final death. In short: his Draco as he knew him from before and whom he missed dearly.

And what had Albus done? Saddled him with Potter. _"The sooner you find a solution, the better it will be for everyone involved,"_ Albus' voice echoed in his thoughts. _"I believe having both boys about will inspire you to give this task your best effort."_

And Merlin damn the old man's ever-twinkling eyes!

Severus knew exactly what Albus was planning. He probably thought that now all of Harry's friends had left the castle, there was no one to protest if the boy was left with him. That might even be true. Yet Albus also seemed to believe that upon seeing the five year old child, Severus would spontaneously forget who the brat's father was. Ha! The day he started to like Potter would be the day Albus stopped eating lemon drops and the Chudley Cannons won the British Championship!

In a rather dark mood, Severus stepped into the children's room the House Elves had hastily put together. Draco was already awake and fairly bouncing on his bed in excitement. "Uncle Sev, Uncle Sev, can I open my presents now?"

The dark clouds in Severus' mind were blown away as though by a strong, refreshing wind. "Yes you may, little rascal!"

Potter, he simply refused to think about.

* * *

It wasn't until lunchtime that Severus noticed anything wrong. Or rather, he was made aware of it; _he_ hadn't noticed. Severus's world was in perfect order, thank you very much. Draco had opened his presents and been happy with every single one of them. They had christened the new set of Gobstones together and really, the day couldn't get any better. 

No, it was Draco who eventually asked Severus: "Uncle Sev? Where did the other boy go? He was here yesterday."

Severus frowned. Where was Potter? Now that he thought about it... he hadn't seen the boy all day.  _Probably still asleep. Lazy sod,_ he thought with some misgivings. Still, the situation made him a little uncomfortable. 

"I will go and check on him," he said and left Draco to his games with the mashed potatoes to see what Potter was doing. With a flourish he opened the door of the children's room, ready to scold Potter for his annoying existence and unparalleled laziness, only -

Potter wasn't there.

Now Severus really got angry. Why did this child always have to cause trouble! Just like his father!

Severus was not about to play hide-and-seek with the Potter brat. As if!

"Point me Harry Potter."

The wand rotated a few times in the palm of Severus' hand. Then it stabilized, pointing straight at the wall beside the door. Severus blinked. Did Potter have his Invisibility Cloak with him? He checked the wall in front of him with searchingly extended fingers.

But then Severus remembered the five year old Potter's shock at his first contact with Magic.  _He was clueless enough about his heritage to pass for a Muggle. Honestly,_ _such ignorance_ _!_

At any rate, it was highly impossible that Potter would have known how to use the garment, even if it had somehow made its way down into his dungeons. No Potter in front of this wall.

Behind it, then.

Severus returned to the living room, where Draco was busy drawing tracks in his potatoes with the sauce and making the peas sail those dangerous waters. The wand was definitely pointing to _outside_ his quarters. _Damn._ Severus used up the rest of his patience to keep himself from cursing out loud. And of course, all of his colleagues had gone to Edinburgh for a night out on the town, since surprisingly, this year none of the students had remained for Christmas. Except, of course, for the two five-year-olds, but Severus was surely doing a great job taking care of those two on his own, wasn't he?

Just because he hadn't killed Potter yet for his stupidity in seven years of school didn't mean he wasn't going to now, did it? Severus froze. _Hold that thought._

Killed.

What if the boy had come to harm? Much as he hated the child, Potter was currently under his guardianship, and thus it was his responsibility to care for his physical well-being. If Potter had sneaked out of the castle to make trouble elsewhere, this was also Severus's fault. And Merlin prevent anything from happening to the boy while he was out doing whatever mischief!

"Draco, I think the boy has gone outside. I am going to look for him. Will you be fine for a few minutes on your own?"

Draco happily waved at him with his spoon. Severus bit back a comment about the sauce Draco's action splattered all over the table cloth, and merely nodded. The moment he was out the door, he called a House Elf to inconspicuously keep an eye on Draco. Should anything happen to Draco while Severus was chasing _Potter_ , he really wouldn't be able to forgive himself.

Keeping his palm with his wand acting as a compass needle pointing towards Potter extended in front of him, Severus paced the length of Hogwarts's halls with hurried steps. Soon there could be no doubt that Potter had left the castle. When Severus crossed the Entrance Hall and stepped out into the grounds, the formerly suppressed cursing finally broke through: His wand was pointing straight into the heart of the Forbidden Forest.

* * *

Two long hours later, Severus finally reached his destination. The woods opened onto a small clearing ahead of him. During the summer, it was probably overgrown with moss, but today, a thick layer of snow was covering the ground and all the plants. Only back there, underneath the big oak tree, a few patches between the enormous roots had remained free of the snow.

On one of those roots sat Potter.

He looked incredibly small and vulnerable, crouched as he was amongst the snowy roots in nothing but his thin pyjamas. But that wasn't the reason why the blood suddenly left Severus' face. No, it was the bird perched on a root facing Potter with its shimmering black, silky feathers and measuring a good six feet.

A Bird of Death.

According to legend, these creatures only showed themselves around the turn of the year. They were messengers from the Underworld; not, however, from Hades, like the Hell Hounds, but rather sent by the dead, called up by the approaching death of a family member. They were sent to guide the soul of the newly deceased safely to their family through the turmoil of the turning of the years. Severus had always taken them to be pure myths.

Until now.

"Potter, get away from there!" Driven by his fear for the boy, he snapped at him a lot sharper than he had meant to. But it truly was frightening to see the boy sitting there, staring straight into the eyes of the Bird of Death as though sharing a silent conversation.

Severus's angry words shattered the contact. Potter jumped up, startled – and went to seek shelter behind the bird!

Severus was speechless. He knew he had never been kind to Potter, but was he really more frightening than a Bird of Death? His chest constricted painfully at the thought.

"Potter", he now tried to reason more calmly with the boy, "please move away from this creature. It is a Bird of Death. If it carries you off, you will die. That is not what you want, is it?"

Potter only looked at him silently. His green eyes were wide open, but he uttered not a single word.

Severus was at his wits' end. What was Potter trying to prove? That he was a brave little boy? _Of all the asinine...!_ Angry, and still very much afraid, Severus decided to rely on the method that had always brought him the best results: Legilimency. 

Entering the five-year-old's head was ridiculously easy. The child's mind was entirely unguarded and all too easy to comprehend. Potter was driven by a single, all-encompassing desire: Once, just once, he wanted to celebrate Christmas with people who did not call him "Potter" or "Boy" and accepted him as he was; with people who loved him.

With his parents.

Severus's heart sank as he made the connection between Potter's wish and the Bird of Death.

"Potter, come away from there at once!" he jelled and determinedly strode forwards.

The Bird of Death shrieked and took off with a mighty beating of its wings. Finally, Potter was moving. Severus reached for him -

And Potter hurriedly backed away. The child reached up towards the sky as though praying to a higher power to save him from Severus. Before Severus could recover from the shock, the boy's prayer was answered.

The Bird of Death once more swooped down from the sky. Its sharp talons linked with the boy's pleadingly raised hands and snatched him up.

A minute later, bird and child had both vanished from Severus's sight.

* * *

That night, Severus did not put Draco to bed with a hug and kiss. Draco mutely watched his beloved uncle tuck him in with a pinched look on his face before wordlessly leaving the room. He would not know that Severus was asking himself even now why he hadn't put Potter to bed with a kind word, as well, the previous night.

Severus left the nursery, only to come to a halt in the living room at the sight of the Christmas tree and once more sink into self-reproach. Had he really spent the entire morning playing with Draco, while another child lay in bed alone on Christmas Day, asking himself why he did not receive any presents?

Severus understood that Harry Potter was not the spoiled little prince he had always assumed him to be.

The short unhindered look into Potter's mind had torn deep cracks into Severus's world view. What he had taken for Potter's clumsy attempts at keeping his pranks and dalliances from Severus in those cursed Occlumency lessons had actually been rather successful efforts to conceal the true extent of the horrors of his childhood.

Severus had had a few fleeting glimpses - that bulldog, the nasty cousin, an uncle flushed with anger -, but not a hint that Potter's _entire_ childhood held nothing but such tragic experiences that were in no way appropriate in child-rearing. 

And suddenly Potter was five years old again. He knew nothing of magic and yet had to live in a magic castle. He knew none of the castle's inhabitants and still had to live with one of them. That person hated Potter, or at least did not seem to care about him at all. He had made that clear again and again over the past handful of days.

His relatives had mistreated Potter. Then he was all of a sudden tossed into an entirely new world - only one thing remained unchanged: while other children were loved and spoiled, he sat in a corner by himself and felt deeply that he was nothing but a  source of irritation. 

Was it any wonder that this child had gone in search of a better world?

Severus broke down on the sofa. What had he done?

* * *

Of course, Severus sent a Patronus message to Albus as soon as he had overcome the initial shock. Albus left the Christmas feast early and returned to Hogwarts, where Severus  informed him with a stony face of Potter's disappearance.

Albus looked at him wordlessly for long minutes. Then he quietly said: "When a Bird of Death appears, the legend goes, the living are united with the dead. Then, separated lovers, lost sons and parents who passed before their time are reunited in love. When a Bird of Death appears, the boundaries between life and death become transparent to those who are not held in this world or the Beyond by anything that can compare to their love for each other.

"If a Bird of Death has taken Harry, Severus, there is nothing I can do; nor would I want to. For if Harry went with the Bird willingly, it can only mean one thing: His happiness lies beyond this world. Nothing is more important to me than Harry's happiness. And if he can only find that by... by..."

Albus's voice cracked and he swallowed painfully. Severus saw a tear trailing down the aged headmaster's cheek and his own features tightened a little more. The knot situated in his belly seemed to wind around his chest and cut off his air supply.

"If Harry can only find his happiness in death," Albus finally managed to choke out, "then we have no right to interfere with that, Severus. We can do naught but let him go."

Then Albus was silent. He just sat there at his desk, mute, while hot tears were rolling down his cheeks, drenching his beard and vanishing somewhere in the depths of his robes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is where the story ended at first. But I'm a sucker for happy endings, and anyway it was Christmas, so there is a second part. If you enjoy a more dramatic ending, stop right here. If like me, you kinda prefer a happy ending, read on. ; )


	2. Chapter 2

When Severus opened the nursery's door the following morning, Draco was still fast asleep. He had lain awake half the night wondering why his uncle did not love him anymore.

Another boy though was looking at Severus wide awake and more than a little anxiously: Harry Potter.

Severus froze. "Harry...?" he finally managed disbelievingly.

The boy pulled the blankets up to his nose and it was clear that his body had curled up into a protective ball underneath. "Y-yes?" the child answered hesitantly.

"You... you're alive?" Severus asked, not quite able to grasp that Harry Potter was sitting in his bed once more as though he'd never been gone.

"Yes... I am sorry, Sir."

Severus gulped. "You do not need to apologize for running away, Harry. Just as long as -"

"No, I mean I am sorry for still being here, and being a burden to you," the child softly corrected.

The knot in Severus's chest that had loosened at seeing Harry painfully constricted once more and Severus gasped. "Harry! Don't say that!"

The tip of the nose followed the rest of his body underneath the blanket, which was shaking considerably. "I... I'm sorry?"

Severus gulped again. He had only made it worse.

What was he to do? He did not know anything about this child. He couldn't tell up from down where Potter was concerned any longer. It was clear, though, that he had to reassure the boy. Potter - no, _Harry_ \- had to learn that he was loved in this world, as well, that he had made friends, loyal friends who would bitterly regret his death and feel thoroughly guilty for it. 

But Granger and Weasley were still on holiday, and only Severus was here to prevent Potter - prevent  _Harry_ from throwing himself into Death's arms once more. But how...?

Well, what would he do if this were Draco?

Severus slowly approached the bed.  He was going to hug the boy to show him that there were people here who worried about him, who were there for him. He would soothe him with his presence and with soft touches. 

Unfortunately, Harry had leapt out of bed before he even reached it. He ran past Severus quick as lightning and disappeared into the living room.

"Harry, stay,  _please_ !"

Out of his mind with worry, Severus ran after the boy. He had seen the boy's eyes as he jumped up. They were filled with raw panic.

"Harry, please, I promise I will not harm you! Please, Harry! Give me a chance!!!"

Where did the boy go? Now panicking himself, Severus tore open the door to the hallway and looked up and down the hall. But Harry was nowhere to be seen. Surely, a five-year-old boy could not run that fast? He returned to the living room and began somewhat hysterically pushing around the furniture in his search for Harry.

Draco had been woken by the noise and bustle, but upon seeing his uncle's mad eyes, had quickly retreated to the nursery. He returned to his bed and forced himself to go back to sleep right away. And when he woke up, everything would be back to normal and this would have been nothing but a nightmare...

* * *

"Harry, please come out."

Severus had found Harry. The boy had climbed into the massive old wardrobe and hidden amongst Severus's teaching robes. It would be easy to reach into the wardrobe and forcefully pull the boy out. But not even Severus was so resistant to learning from his experiences that he would try reaching for this boy again.

The last time, that had driven the boy into the talons of a Bird of Death.

Severus still did not know how it was possible that Harry was back. Also, he had failed to inform Albus of this. All that counted at the moment was Harry.

"Harry, please, come out of the wardrobe. I need to check that you did not catch a cold. You were outside in the snow for so long yesterday, I would not be surprised at all if you were sick now. Please, Harry, I am worried for you."

Finally, there was an answer from the wardrobe. "Really?" came the whisper.

Severus felt the knot in his guts loosening once more, but he mentally pulled it taught once more. No matter what it looked like, this was by no means a victory yet. One wrong word and Harry would slip away like a will-of-the-whisp.

"Really, Harry. I worry about you very much. I am sorry that I was mean to you for the last few days. I will do better now, I promise."

"D-do you like me? At least a little?" the subdued voice breathed from the darkness inside the wardrobe.

Severus sighed. "Yes, Harry. I like you." It wasn't even a lie. Uncanny, how a single day could change a man's perceptions. Severus would not be surprised at all if Albus suddenly declared a ban on lemon drops and informed him of the Cannons's winning the Championship. For if he, who had deeply despised anything with the name of Potter could now honestly admit to liking a Potter, surely anything was possible.

Even said Potter leaving his wardrobe.

It happened slowly, cautiously, similar to a squirrel approaching a peanut left close to a park bench by a person out for a walk. First, the head appeared from among the robes, then a hand, a foot, and finally the entire right side of the little body.

Harry had turned sideways to minimize the surface for an attack.

How could a five-year-old already instinctively take such safety precautions? Severus wanted to gnash his teeth and fantasize about all the horrible things he was going to do to the boy's relatives. But he could not afford to. If he looked threatening now, he could be sure to permanently lose the boy's trust. That was not allowed to happen.

Severus swallowed down his murderous intentions and made an effort to smile at Harry encouragingly.

He had understood by now that a hug was not something he could simply give to Harry, but rather a sign of confidence he first had to earn. Thus he had to stick to smaller guns for now. He carefully ascertained Harry's health with a quietly murmured spell. Harry mutely let it happen and only startled for a moment when Severus uttered a relieved sigh. Harry was a little overtired and starved, but otherwise right as rain.

"You did not eat anything since the day before yesterday, did you? Do you want a bread roll, or maybe a muesli? There are fruits, as well, and if you want something warm, we can call a House Elf."

Harry's eyes had started to gleam hopefully, but dulled abruptly at the word "House Elf". Harry hunched his shoulders as though expecting the need to duck away from a blow.

"Harry, what is it?" Severus asked gently. "Did I say something wrong?"

"There is no magic, and no fairies, and no elves," Harry whispered imploringly.

"Who told you that?" Severus asked, gently again, although he was already quite confident of the answer.

"U-uncle Vernon?" Harry's voice lilted questioningly as though he was unsure of giving the desired answer. The boy already seemed to have learned that saying the truth was not always the safest choice.

"So," Severus said, "what else did Uncle Vernon have to say about magic?"

During the course of the next half an hour, Severus learned exactly what Uncle Vernon thought about magic. Then he began the difficult process of showing Harry that magic did indeed exist, and that it was neither evil nor abnormal.

By noon, he had gotten the boy around to sitting at the table with him and enduring the appearance of a House Elf. He did not quite dare talking to the creature himself, but at least he did not withdraw from it and remained seated on his chair while Severus ordered three servings of schnitzel, chips and salad. He did not know many children, wizarding or Muggle, that did not appreciate schnitzel and chips. The salad, Harry could always ignore. Severus surely would not force him to eat anything he did not like.

With an abundance of soothing words and reassurances that he did indeed like Harry, Severus excused himself from the room and went to look for Draco.

The little blond boy was sat on his bed with teary eyes and looked at Severus in distress. "Don't you love me any more?"

Two quick steps took Severus over to Draco's side where he swooped the boy up into his arms. With this boy, at least, he knew what to do!

"Of course I love you, Draco! Never let anyone tell you different. I love you, just the way you are!" _The way you_ now _are_ , he mentally amended. But the distraught, cute little boy did not need to know that Severus had more than a few issues with Draco's seventeen-year-old self. "Of course I love you."

"But why -", Draco sobbed, "why do you keep saying that you like  _him_ , and, and" - he sniffled - "and just  _forget_ about me?"

It took Severus quite some time to calm the distraught Draco. It was no easy potion to swallow that the beloved father figure who had always been there exclusively for him could now actually love  _two_ little boys. 

Finally, after many an apology, promises of love and - hugely simplified - explanations, Severus managed to convince Draco to get dressed and to come and have lunch together.

Draco now believed that Harry was only with Severus because "things were not good" for him, and had promised Severus not to be mean to Harry.

Severus just hoped he could keep him to that promise.

When they returned to the living room, Harry was no longer sitting at the table. With a hurt expression, he was huddled in an armchair at the opposite end of the room - where he had always been sitting the previous days, Severus now remembered, watching Severus with Draco. Why had he never noticed before how unnatural such behaviour was for a five-year-old? All children eventually cried out for attention. He should have known that something was wrong. But no, he'd only had eyes for Draco.

That would have to change.

Draco was a self-confident boy, he would survive being overlooked by his Uncle Severus for a time. Particularly as both boys were sure to regain their proper age soon.

Harry, though...

Harry had a sense of self-worth smaller than a microbe. Severus did not know how things were for his seventeen-year-old self; he could no longer trust in his previous evaluation of the boy. But if he did not take action soon, Harry would not live to be seventeen a second time.

"Draco, you know the way up to Professor Dumbledore's office, right?"

Draco sniffled loudly and nodded.

"I will now give you a _very important_ task, Draco. You need to go to Professor Dumbledore's office and tell him that Harry is here with me. Can you do that for me? I know you are a big boy. Can you do it by yourself?"

Draco's ambition was the one hold by which he could be dragged from any and all brooding and pouting. The boy's eyes shone eagerly as the thirst to prove himself took hold.

"I will do it, Uncle Sev," he grandly proclaimed.

Severus smiled and pointed to the door. "Then go and make me proud."

Draco was out the door in a flash, lunch completely forgotten.

Severus turned back to Harry. "Harry, what is it? Why did you leave the table? Don't you like chips?"

Harry was chewing his lower lip and his eyes were looking around wildly.

"Harry, please tell me what's going on."

Severus sat down on the floor allowing Harry to look down at him. He tried to sit as relaxed as possible and to seem thoroughly unthreatening.

They remained seated like that for quite a while, Severus hoping that Harry would name the problem on his own, and Harry observing Severus to find out what he would do next. Finally, Harry gathered his courage to say: "That other boy... Draco. You love him."

Severus remained silent, hoping for Harry to continue. He was not disappointed.

"But me... You don't love me."

"That is untrue," he said calmly; much more calmly than he really felt. Harry accepting his affection was a matter of life and death! "I have known Draco a long time, which is why I behave differently with him than I do with you. I hug him, because he wants me to. I can calm him down, because I know how to cheer him up. It is harder for you. We have not known each other that long." Mentally, he added:  _Your seven school years do not count, since apparently we haven't learned a thing about each other in that time. Or at least I haven't, about you._

He had to admit that as a five-year-old, Harry had probably already learned all he ever needed to know about him in a matter of days: Severus was irascible, unfair, and relentless...

He cut off that thought and focused once more on the boy in front of him. "We have not been acquainted for long, so I do not know what you like and dislike, what makes you afraid and what you want. The more you tell me, the easier it will get. Do you understand that?"  
The boy nodded hesitantly, never losing the carefully cautious look.

"Then will you tell me now why you do not want me to hug you?"

Harry ducked his head.

"Are you afraid of hugs?"

Harry hunched down a little more. He propped up his knees and leaned his head against them.

Severus couldn't stand it.  _Legilimens_ , he thought. There was a very clear picture in Harry's head: His aunt hugging him, only to cut off his hair in the same motion. It was a nasty trick. It seemed the woman had never hugged her nephew otherwise. Harry had accepted the affection she seemed to offer and had been betrayed. No wonder he was suspicious!

"Harry?" Severus asked gently. "How about I do not hug you, but you hug me? Then I can keep my hands where you can see them..."

Harry had no way of knowing how Severus had guessed the reason for his worries, but he seemed willing to believe in Severus's good intentions, for he did not question it. Hesitantly, the little body uncurled. Harry got up and stood in front of Severus.

"Really?"

Severus nodded.

Harry put his arms around Severus's neck briefly, then quickly jumped back. Severus gave him an encouraging smile. "You are allowed to hold on for longer than that." He made a show of leaning back on his hands so Harry could see that he would not be able to raise them against him.

It took a long time, but finally Harry ended up in Severus's lap, wrapped safely in the man's arms, his face snuggled into Severus's chest.  For Severus, it was the greatest joy imaginable. 

Of course, that was the moment a knock sounded from his door. 

"Albus," Severus cursed. The boy in his lap had tensed at the sound and tightly clenched his fists in Severus's shirt. "Harry, the man in front of the door is Albus Dumbledore, a good friend of mine. Albus knows you, Harry, and he loves you. When you disappeared yesterday, I told him about it. He cried, Harry."

Harry looked at him with wide eyes. "Did he really?"

"Mhm," said Severus. "Is it alright for me to let him in?"

Harry held on to him a little tighter still, but he did nod.

"You will have to let me get up in order to open the door. Or do you wish for me to carry you?"

Harry gulped audibly, but kept holding on to Severus.

"As you wish," Severus said with laughter in his voice, soothing Harry's fears. He got to his feet still carrying Harry in one quick motion and carried the boy who was huffing panicky little breaths towards the door.  Harry had not been carried since he had learned to crawl, and it was a rather frightening experience. Even though, in some ways, it felt really good. He had decided to place his trust in Severus; he was not about to let go of him just like that!

Severus opened the door and was faced with a once again crying Albus and a Draco radiant with pride. Draco's smile dimmed considerably, though, upon spotting Harry in Severus's arms. "Uncle Sev! Uncle Sev! Carry me!"

Harry was clinging, Draco was whinging and Albus stood crying silent tears. 

Christmas couldn't get any better.


	3. Chapter 3

It was much, much later that Severus was sitting on his couch with a sleeping Harry to one side, a sleepily pouting Draco clutching at him from the other. Opposite him was Albus, both men holding glasses of Firewhisky in tired hands.

"Where do you think the boy was, Albus? And why did he return?"

Albus smiled weakly. "Only Harry himself can tell us that. But even if he never does... The important thing is that he is back now."

Both remembered the words Albus had spoken the previous day: _I_ _f Harry went with the Bird willingly, it can only mean one thing: His happiness lies beyond this world._

Maybe there was a tiny bit of happiness for Harry Potter this side of Death, as well?

"Albus." Severus pulled himself together and finally addressed the topic that had been bothering him throughout the evening. "I want to care for Harry. I carry a big part of the responsibility for his going to the Forest yesterday, and I wish to make up for it. What is more... Harry has managed to do what you have been trying without success for years, Albus. I love this child, Albus. I want to make Harry smile, no matter the cost. Rarely have I wanted something this much.

"But I cannot really do that while Draco is here, as well. I love Draco" - luckily, the boy had finally fallen asleep, too - "but he is not used to having to share me with anyone. I cannot do him justice without rejecting Harry once more. And I feel neither willing nor able to do that again."

Albus considered him seriously. "What do you expect me to do, Severus?"

"Find someone else to care for Draco. Find another Potions Master to research the antidote for Harry and Draco's accident. Give me the rest of the holidays to spend time with Harry. I wish to get to know him, Albus, and to help him. Some of his fears and habits are so deep-seated, he could not possibly have shaken them even as a teenager. No matter how proficient he may be at hiding them. But if I were to help him defeat a few of them now... maybe that will make him a little happier even as he returns to his proper age. Even though he will probably go back to hating me, then," he sadly added.

"Don't you think he will keep his memories of this time when he is once more seventeen years old?" Albus asked with compassion and curiosity blending in his voice.

"So what if!" Severus snapped grimly. "I have not exactly treated him well as a child either, have I? Otherwise, he hardly would have chosen a Bird of Death over me!"

Albus's eyes became pensive. "So you see this as your chance to redeem yourself in Harry's eyes?"

"No," Severus answered without hesitation. "As I said, I don't even know if he will later remember this Christmas as a five-year-old. No, this is not about me, Albus! It's about Harry!"

Albus beamed at him. "Then I will gladly comply with your wishes."

* * *

 

The antidote took another four weeks to develop. Draco first lived with Albus, then he moved in with Blaise and Pansy. He was still sulking with Severus, but his friends kept him so well occupied that he rarely had time to remember that fact.

Harry, meanwhile, refused all contact with his friends. The five-year-old did not know Ron and Hermione, and truth to be told, he found the loud boy and girl who seemed so thoroughly impressed with herself a bit scary. He'd much rather stay with Severus.

Severus did worry about Harry's social contacts once he returned to his proper age, but secretly he was happy for the prolonged time with the child this gained him. As much as it felt like a Sisyphaean task to fight Harry's many insecurities and suspicions, Severus felt it was well worth it whenever he managed to coax a smile or even a giggle out of Harry. Those four weeks for him were an immensely fulfilling time and he had high hopes that Harry was enjoying this time with him, as well.

Now, however, the time had come to say goodbye to Little Harry.

"Harry, do you remember that I told you that you are really much older?"

Harry nodded hesitantly. What did Severus want?

"Someone has invented a potion that will make you seventeen years old again, like you were before. Then you will know all the other people in this castle again. And you will be tall and strong and able to defend yourself if need be. Do you want that?" Severus knew how much Harry despised being so helpless as a child. The Dursleys had mercilessly preyed on his weakness and to this day, Harry suffered from a vague uneasiness around people who were taller than him - which meant just about everyone in the castle.

Harry's answer, therefore, hit Severus completely out of the blue. "M-mh," the boy said and shook his head.

"But Harry, why ever not?"

"When I am big again, you won't love me any more."

Severus was shocked. "Why would you think that?"

"You... you told Albus that I don't like you when I'm big. So you won't like me either. That is true, isn't it?"

Great Merlin, had Harry been awake? Had he heard what they had said about his death, as well?

...Not important. Right now, only one thing mattered: "Harry, no matter what was before: If you still want me to when you are back to your own age, I will be there for you. I love you, Harry. I will not abandon you even if you were older than Albus!"

Harry giggled and relaxed a little. He was still suspicious though, so Severus allowed him to remain a child one more night to think about it.

* * *

The next day, Draco dropped in unannounced. A seventeen-year-old, highly energetic Draco who greeted Severus with a sharp "Where's Potter?". Little Harry, just about to exit the bathroom, quickly pulled back into the relative safety of that room and cautiously looked out at the strange boy.

" _Harry_ hasn't taken his potion yet, and he is currently in the bathroom," Severus said and warned Draco off with a look.

Draco ignored the warning and mercilessly continued speaking within Harry's hearing. "So _Harry_ is still here, is he? Severus, really! I had expected better from you. You have cast me off in order to care for _Harry._ A Gryffindor! Your personal enemy! Could you please explain that to me?!"

"Draco?" Severus said amiably.

"WHAT?"

"Get out."

Draco stared at him incredulously. "Excuse me?"

"Get out. And please do not return until you can think and voice your thoughts in a fashion appropriate to your age. If you try to insult Harry again where I can hear you, you will have the pleasure of cleaning the castle with Filch until the day you graduate. This I promise you. Now leave!"

Draco left.

He was much too perplexed to do anything but.

Harry slowly dared to exit the bathroom. "Will I be like that?"

Severus knelt down in front of him and clasped one hand on his shoulder. "What do you mean?"

"When I am big again, will I be like him?"

Severus fought to keep down the threatening laughter. Draco and Harry were indeed more similar than either of them would ever want to admit. But after Draco's grand entrance just now, he hardly wanted to tell Harry that.

"When you are big again, you will still be Harry. Do you think you could ever be like Draco?"

Harry took a long time to consider the question, but in the end, he answered with an emphatic No. Severus studiously avoided correcting him. Much as he adored Little Harry, it was best for everyone if the boy took his potion sooner rather than later. Severus could not play father to Little Harry forever. His classes would not wait for him indefinitely.

And so Harry took the antidote.

* * *

"Sev- Professor Snape?"

Severus's breath caught. Harry had definitely started to say "Severus". Just like Draco, he seemed to remember the past weeks!

"Y-yes?" His voice did not tremble. His voice never trembled!

Why was his voice trembling?

"I..." Harry licked his lips, a nervous gesture he had not demonstrated as a child. Severus was struck by the realization that he did not know this Harry. Just because he had now gotten to know Harry at age five a little, Harry was far from an open book to him. It was quite possible that a seventeen-year-old Harry still did not want anything to do with him. The idea hurt.

"I... I would like to know why."

"Why what?"

"Why you took me in. You hate me!" Harry gulped. This conversation did not seem to be any easier for him than it was for Severus.

"I do not hate you, Ha- Potter."

"Please don't." Harry's voice was pleading.

"Hm?" Severus questioned.

"Please don't say 'Potter' in that tone like you used to do. That... that's just not on! That... It makes me feel as though the past weeks have been one big lie." Clear, green eyes caught Severus's dark ones and held them. "Were they?"

Severus exhaled noisily. "Merlin, no! I have not been more serious about anything in my life than I have been about this past month."

Harry looked at him searchingly, and Severus did something he never would have done before: he invited Harry into his mind.

Harry fell through his eyes and straight into his mind.

For a minute, Harry just sat there, staring. Then he forcefully tore himself free and embarrassedly looked at the floor. Then suddenly his head snapped up.

"Severus."

Severus felt his hands turn clammy. Damn it, but he felt more nervous than at any job interview!

"Yes, Harry?"

"I have seen enough. I..." Harry got up.

_Oh no, please don't go! What could you possibly have seen that would be so repelling? Please, Harry, don't go!_

Severus sat watching in mute horror as Harry left his place on the sofa and... plopped down into Severus's lap!

"Harry?"

"You want this, I want it too, so why complicate things?"

"Eh?"

"You are my honorary father." Harry gave him a cheeky grin. "This puts you nearly on a level with James Potter, but you will just have to live with that."

Severus was more than a little shocked. Still, his arms closed instinctively around Harry and pulled him in close. His Harry. But... how could Harry talk so casually about his parents' memory?

"Harry, is this really okay? I mean, James is your father and he probably would not want you to..."

"Ah, but that is where you're wrong!" The nearly adult Harry was quite a bit taller than Little Harry had been at age five. He had to stretch across the armchair lengthwise in order to fit into Severus's lap. He used his supine position now to point his finger right into Severus's face. " _You_ couldn't know this, but I am quite sure that my biological father does not mind at all if I use all the means at my disposal to be happy. It's been stamped, signed and sealed." He grinned impudently.

"How...?" was all Severus managed.

"My angel," Harry said softly. The rogue had left his voice and instead it now sounded calm and somehow content with the world around it. "The Bird came to me because I had called for my parents with the magic of an adult and the loneliness of a little child in the most magical time of the year. We did not talk, as such, but we... We somehow shared thoughts, and emotions. I showed it how much I missed my parents. The bird taught me that they are dead, but that I could still talk to them. It gave me two choices: Either I could go and join them - or they could come to me.

"Funnily enough it was the Bird, a creature named Bird of _Death_ by humans, who convinced me not to go join my parents just yet. Once I left, it told me, I could not return. If all I wanted to do was to celebrate Christmas with my parents, then continue living in this world, however, it would be best to call them to me. They had nothing to lose in it either way. I think the thing that convinced me was its joking remark that they would surely be pleased to see something other than the Beyond for once.

"Don't laugh, Severus! I was a child! And I think, the messenger bird knew exactly what it was doing. At any rate, that night it took me to Godric's Hollow. I have only been to my parents' grave once, Severus, and that was in the middle of the war while looking for the horcruxes. Back then, I had no time to just sit and think of my parents.

"This time, I did. The bird stayed with me and kept me warm, while I sat there, leaning up against the headstone and thinking of my parents. I had many long and important conversations with them in my mind. I did not actually see them, and you are welcome to tell me it was all a figment of my imagination. You will not be able to convince me, though. I really talked to them, Severus!"

"And James told you to adopt me as your surrogate father?" Severus asked in a poor attempt at humour.

"Yeah right," Harry snorted in amusement. "No, of course not. Even in death, James is not crazy enough to wish you upon me."

Severus glared at him, but Harry merely grinned and hugged him tightly. "No, he just advised me to do that which makes me happy and to not let anyone or anything keep me from it."

"Including me?"

"What - the part about making me happy or not keeping me from it?"

"Both."

"Yes."

"Eh...?"

"It makes me happy to have you as a father figure. And I will not let anyone tell me different, not even you," Harry explained with great satisfaction.

"Well, then," Severus said.

"Very well," Harry agreed. And promptly fell asleep in Severus's lap.

 _Christmas - a time for miracles_ , Severus thought before closing his eyes and, for the first time in six weeks, feeling nothing but contentment.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you have it. I hope you enjoyed reading!  
> Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates it, and a wonderful New Year to all you wonderful people! :D


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